I recently attended an Emotional Intelligence (EQi – MHS) training in Atlanta. While there, I received my own EQi assessment report. My highest score was Independence, which refers to standing on your own two feet and not being dependent on someone else. It wasn’t a surprise for me. I’ve always prided myself on how independent I am. When reading the report, I could hear my mom’s familiar words, “Well, you always were so independent.” I’m not sure she always said it as a compliment :-).
As I looked at the report again, after returning from the training and giving myself some extra processing time, I began to see my independence in a new light. It fell under the category of Self-Expression, which is one of the 5 core competencies that measure Emotional Intelligence.
Self-Expression is the outward expression of our self-perception. More specifically, do we have the propensity to remain self-directed and express our thoughts and feelings in a constructive and socially acceptable way.
It is made up of three categories:
Independence: standing on your own two feet and not being dependent on someone else.
Emotional Expression: am I able to say how I feel.
Assertiveness: standing up for yourself effectively, (with effectively being the key word here).
The last two, Emotional Expression and Assertiveness, were two of my lowest scores. Hummm. This had me questioning:
- Was my high independence directly related to those being low?
- Am I more independent and do things myself because I don’t speak up for myself and ask for what I need?
I bet others would describe me as assertive in general but I know I’m not assertive when it comes to expressing my emotions and getting my own needs met.
My mom also used to say, “Well sometimes it’s just easier to do it myself.” I’m like her in that regard—thinking it’s easier to do everything myself. When I take into consideration my High Steadiness (S) behavioral style and a High Utilitarian motivator, it makes perfect sense. Someone with a High Steadiness (S) style is steady, consistent, persistent, dependable and loyal and can be non-emotional or stoic. They can also be possessive of information and tend to avoid conflict. Having Utilitarian as a primary motivator correlates with practicality, efficiency and being driven by ROI. Combining this with my High S behavioral style has certainly served me well in life. But admittedly, there are downsides too–resentment for one, not to mention tiredness.
Doing it all yourself isn’t sustainable, nor is it enjoyable. When I really take a moment to consider it, I think avoiding asking for help in an assertive manner may actually be more draining than doing it all.
My High Independence can hinder collaboration too. In the report, I saw how it’s interconnected to another competency, Interpersonal Relationships. This one also needs some work on my part. Typically as a business owner, I like to fly solo but collaboration with others can only benefit my clients and me. Getting feedback on ideas and approaches can only make me better. I’ve always known this to be true but seeing it on paper makes it more real—it makes it more salient.
Since the training, I’ve been more assertive. The report seemingly gave me permission to do it. I’ve been working to improve my EQ and I’ve been seeing how that benefits me. I can’t wait to share the reports and training with all of you. Behaviors, motivators and cognitive processing remain constant over time and have a large genetic component to them; self-awareness on the other hand is much more of a skill that can be honed. Emotional Intelligence is a significant part of raising self-awareness and it’s a skill that can be developed and improved. Not to mention, it can have a measurable impact on productivity and performance. Unlike IQ which peaks at age 17, EQ can grow overtime as we get wiser with age, experience and focus. EQ peaks in our late 40s but can continue to rise if you work on it.
I’m dedicated to continuous work on my EQ. Lookout hubby and sons. Oh and I’m two points away from being happy, but that’s a blog for another day…
Cheers,
Jennifer
P.S. – I’m also wondering if there’s a correlation between EQ competencies and behavioral styles?? Could High D’s struggle with impulse control? High I blind optimism or reality testing? High C self-regard or stress tolerance? Then you add on the layer of Motivators – WOW! Again, another future blog…
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